Stick Together

Holidays. What not to do!

Singing whilst wearing a swimming costume and carrying an ice cream cone in a back pocket on a Sunday are just two foreign laws of which British holidaymakers should be wary of………….

• In Milan it is a legal requirement to smile at all times, except during funerals or hospital visits.
• In Massachusetts, taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of the car during their shifts.
• In Denmark, people are legally obliged to honk the horn and check for small children underneath the car.
• In Thailand, it is illegal for anyone to leave a building without wearing their pants.
• In Michigan, anyone planning on bathing in public must have their swim suit inspected by a police officer.
• In Florida, any unmarried woman who parachutes on a Sunday could be jailed. Singing while wearing a swimming costume is also prohibited.
• In Portugal it is unlawful to urinate in the sea.
• In Hong Kong the wife of a husband who commits adultery is legally entitled to kill the mistress in any manner desired, and the husband with just her bare hands.
• In Switzerland flushing the lavatory after 10pm is illegal.
• In Canada if you are arrested and then released from prison, it is a legal requirement that the felon is given a handgun with bullets and a horse, so they can ride safely out of the town.

The French At Play!!

Grandmother’s Photography Banned

The PC brigade are at it again!!!!

A 85-year-old grandmother was banned from taking photographs of her grandchildren in a municipal swimming pool………..

…….Sheila Campbell was astonished by the politically correct decision to stop
her taking a picture for the family album of her four granddaughters who
are aged between five and 10.

The children and their mother Tina were in the water at the Royal
Commonwealth Pool at Mrs Campbell's home in Edinburgh when
she decided to record the moment.

"One of my granddaughters was practising her diving so I took out my camera to take some nice pictures," she said.

"But an attendant warned me to stop. I like to think it would have been obvious that I was their grandmother. There were no other children anywhere near her but anyway I was only interested in taking photos of my grandchildren.

"What is the harm in it? The attendant was adamant that I had to stop. I did not protest even though I was not causing any harm. He might have taken away my camera. I must say, it is a sign that we are living in a nanny state."

The ban on Mrs Campbell is part of a growing trend for local authorities to prohibit photography and filming at key events, with many citing data protection or child protection laws. Many local authorities have decided to outlaw photos
due to fears paedophiles might obtain illicit snaps of young children.

This comes despite the intervention of information watchdogs who warn that some authorities are being overzealous in stopping parents and grandparents recording treasured moments. Photographs have even banned at some school
sports' days……This situation is only going to get worse unless people stand up and voice an opinion on this matter…..When will the sensible people with a brain say “enough is enough” and decide to to something about it and not leave it until there are so many ridicules rules and regulations there will not be any chance of changing things…..COME THE REVOLUTION

Jeremy Does It Again

Whilst I can’t stand him………At least he speaks his mind….Which in present day society is something of an achievement!!!

Controversial Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson was in hot water again after he launched a
tirade against Gordon Brown in front of the BBC show's live studio audience.

According to those watching, Mr Clarkson was speaking during the not-for-broadcast section of the
programme when he referred to the Prime Minister with a four-letter swear word generally considered to be the most offensive in the English language.
According to the Guardian, an eyewitness said Clarkson, 49, was talking about government policy and said: "The reason you can't do that is
because Gordon Brown is a “cunt”

This may be coming a regular issue for the beleaguered Prime Minister, who Mr Clarkson has already had to apologised to for calling him a "one-eyed Scottish idiot" in February.

Devon Teashop Under Attack

WELL…….WELL………WELL…..Here’s another example of local councils in the UK throwing their weight about!!!!!

Janice Voce was told the board pointing to her remote tea shop was a "potential hazard"
to pedestrians, even though it was on an embankment with no footpath. Within days of taking it down she saw her takings slump to just £8 a day.

The sign had been in place for a year without any complaints until Devon County Council intervened but Mrs Voce, 46, said she is being left with no option but to close the Fancy That Tea Shop in the village of East Budleigh, Devon, with the loss of five jobs.

Villagers are rallying behind Mrs Voce and have drawn up a petition in protest at the local council.

Mrs Voce said: "My business is tucked away off the main road and without the sign pointing to us, no-one would know we are here.

"The sign is on a grass verge - nobody walks there and no-one in the village can understand how it is now a problem. As a result I have gone from doing a full trade and employing five people from the village to taking just £8 a day and having to get rid of all the weekday staff.

"It's a difficult time for any business and we could do with some support from the local council. I've tried to explain to them that by asking me to do this they are effectively closing me down, but no-one seems to care. I will probably be shut before the end of the week."

This harassment by a over officiate council is very close to home and not new…..Years ago my family had business in Devon that relied on signs being put on footpaths that were wide enough to drive cars on….We were constantly harassed by over enthusiastic council officials even though many of the signs were on our land!!!!……We paid a small fortune in rates and employed well over 100 people but would they listen to reason……WOULD THEY FUCK!!!!

I hope Mrs Voce does not give up and fights on.

Tips For Those “Useless” Function Keys.

F1: Blocks the Wi-Fi signal that Mr.-Sit-at-the-Best-Seat at-Starbucks-for-Nine-Hours is using, forcing him to shut down and vacate the premises.

F2: Sends a nasty e-mail to Microsoft execs' personal
e-mail box relaying that a Windows bug is about to crash your system and you really appreciate the
inconvenience-again (this could work for any vendor, of course).

F3: Deletes embarrassing Facebook photos of you
posted by high school classmates.

F4: Brings up an image of Megan Fox in "Transformers."

F5: Quickly quarantines any guilt-ridden e-mail from your mother and sends automated "Out of Office / Can't Respond for 3 Weeks / Do Not Contact" response.

F6: (See F4) You were just on a website of "questionable" integrity and you might have been infected with spyware-Automatically kills anything on your machine that resembles malware.

F7: (For IT people only) Sends a reply to those
less-than-savvy users who send indiscriminate barrages of help-desk e-mails: "Hit restart, genius."

F8: Sets your PC ablaze because it's 8 years old, still
running Windows 95 and you just can't take it anymore.

F9: Sends a digital shockwave to the spammer's
keyboard who just filled up your inbox with links to
purported photos of Megan Fox in "Transformers."

F10: Kills any Apple DRM feature.

F11: Crashes Twitter feed of any of your followers who are still tweeting about Michael Jackson.

F12: For when you're feeling mad at the world, plays
five-second burst of Jeff Bezos's freakishly maniacal
laugh ( hear it here).

OH…….and if you are wondering what the picture has to do with “keyboards”…..BUGGER ALL….I just liked it!!!

Pet Friendly Airline

The dog days of summer are officially here, but every day is now dogs’ day at the American Airlines Terminal at John F. Kennedy International Airport.

American has installed a new Pet Relief Area at the terminal’s departure level, so that passengers with pets can give their canine or feline friends a final chance to relieve themselves before packing them away in their kennels for the flight.

“American Airlines is sensitive to the needs of passengers who travel with their pets,” said Joseph Daly, American’s Facilities Maintenance Manager at JFK Airport. “Pets that travel have comfort needs, too, so we wanted to provide a way for them to be comfortable before boarding their flight, just like the rest of us.”

The new Pet Relief Area is a 30 feet by 50 feet enclosure, including a 1,000-square-foot patch of natural grass. It has a five-foot wide entrance gate, a walkway and two benches. A “Mutt Mitt” dispenser is provided, together with a trash barrel at the gate for waste disposal. A bright red fire hydrant stands at the far end of the grassy area.

American worked with the International Association of Assistance Dog Partners in creating the area.

Auntie Beeb & Irony

It’s just been revealed that the BBC spent £10,000 on a Christmas party whilst whilst hundreds of it’s staff are losing their jobs!!!!!

The Christmas party, costing £10,445, was attended by Mark Thompson, the director general of the BBC, and the “guest list” included some of the highest paid in the corporation such as Sir Terry Wogan, Jonathan Ross and Jeremy Paxman.

The cost of the party were buried in expenses records released by the BBC Trust on Thursday which showed that Sir Michael Lyons, its chairman,
claimed £33,683 during a six month period.

Sir Michael claimed £15,000 for a chauffeur, although the Trust separated that cost in the figures
published last night, prompting questions over its commitment to transparency.

The expenses bill, released just a week after the Trust imposed a freeze on the bonuses of the corporation's executives, comes after 7,200 job cuts were made at the BBC over the past four-and-a-half years, with another 1,200 to be made this year.

This set of  figures released by the Trust showed that Sir Michael, who lives in Birmingham and is a friend of the Prime Minister, claimed £9,616 in hotel bills and travel costs of £8,208. His expenses did not disclose the £14,567 cost of his chauffeur, which were contained elsewhere in the accounts…..So much for transparency then!!!!!!

The chairman's expenses include £1,207 on "long distance cars", including a £251 trip from BBC Television Centre in west London to his home in Birmingham following the final of Strictly Come Dancing in December. He claimed £1,206 on cars for short trips, including to and from Paddington to Lord's cricket ground last summer.

The thirteen scroungers……Whoops sorry….Trustees, claimed a total of nearly £80,000 on entertaining, accommodation, food, travel and pay-TV
subscriptions in the six months.

Among the claims that were scrounged were tickets to launch of the Royal Opera House season, a premiere of a Bollywood film, a Morrissey concert and Scotland vs Wales in the Six Nations Rugby.

Last month Sir Michael laid himself open to accusations of hypocrisy after it was revealed that his salary package rose by 30 per cent to £213,000 last year while at the same time he was demanding cuts in costs from the BBC……Don’t forget that this “job” is part-time and completely unnecessary but it seems that under a Labour Government anyone awarded a Knighthood or Peerage also gets a seat on the “Gravy Train” .

BBC's annual report disclosed that Sir Michael's basic pay of 143,000 for the part-time position was boosted by a 70,000 benefits package – doubled from last year – which covered his travel costs to and from work, the use of a London chauffeur and overnight accommodation.

Sir Michael, a former chief executive of Birmingham City Council…….So he’s well qualified for slurping in the “trough” then…. Continues to live in Sutton Coldfield, West Midlands, and to commute to the BBC's headquarters in London.

He sparked controversy when the last set of expenses were published in February 2009 when it was revealed that he hosted a £9,803.99 – Trip for 'opinion formers' to Wimbledon, July 1998……This only goes to prove that these people think that they are untouchable and live in an alternative universe.

The sooner all these public scroungers are removed from their “jobs” the better and the “Gravy Train Club” closed for good……COME THE REVOLUTION!!!!!

It's A French Custom!!!!!

Fat Kids Get Cheap Gym Admission!

Cheap gym sessions to tackle obesity in children

HEALTH bosses in the UK hailed as a success a scheme to tackle Suffolk's childhood obesity problem in which teenagers are offered cheap gym membership.

One thousand young people in west Suffolk have now been recruited for the “Fit4Future” pilot scheme, which aims to address the decline in physical activity among youngsters by subsidising the cost of taking part in sport.

As part of the build up to London 2012…..and what a waste of money that is!….. Suffolk County Council offered to fund a thousand gym memberships for those involved in the scheme aged 16 to 22.

Evidently a total of 16 private and council owned fitness clubs promoted the project during the recruitment phase of the project, which saw overweight teenagers pay as little as £5 per month to join their local gym.

A report revealed how one in 11 Suffolk children were obese, while one in ten were not classed as physically active - spending two hours a week in PE or school sport……So….This is where Suffolk’s ratepayer’s money is going!

Rosemary Clarke, the council's Sport, Culture, Diversity, Health and Wellbeing chief……With a title like that I bet she doesn’t have too much time to chew her food…… hoped the initiative would have a lasting impact on the health of young people and make a valuable contribution to making Suffolk the
healthiest county in the UK by 2028.

“The response to the recruitment campaign has been fantastic,” she said. “It has demonstrated a real desire by young people across the west of the county to engage in physical activity.”

David Stalker, operations director of the Fitness Industry Association, said: “Reaching the 1,000 new participant mark is a great testimony to the team in Suffolk and to the decision to pilot the idea of subsidised gym membership……It also puts more money into the “flagging” coffers of it’s members….but…Hey Ho….

“What this initiative has proved is that intervention works. Young people have the desire and the will to change their behaviour and perhaps even their lifestyle if the catalyst and incentive is right.”

Perish the thought that their parents could ever stop buying them buying video games and switch their computers off!

Le Gnat’s At It Again

If nothing else you have to admire the nerve of the man……Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife Carla Bruni have been spending more than £660 a day on flowers.

The crazy sum was revealed in a public audit which comes in the middle of the worst recession for decades.

The couple also used French taxpayers'
money to settle £3,000 of fines for late
payment of electricity and gas bills.

It’s their annual payments to florists to supply the Elysee Palace which has caused the most astonishment.

At £241,000 per year, the sum is even greater than spent by Elton John, who was revealed to spend around £460-a-day on flowers in 1997.
The sum emerged in presidential accounts for 2008, Mr Sarkozy's first full year in office, during which he made Miss Bruni his third wife.

The former model turned “pop singer” is particularly fond of fresh flowers, and is frequently pictured arranging huge vases full of them inside the Elysee.

……Wasn’t it some trivial French Queen that said the starving peasants should eat cake?????….Obviously irony is lost on the French!!!!

The figures were part of the first state audit of a French leader's spending since the reign of Louis XVI…..A bit late in the day some would say!!!!

An Elysee Palace spokesman said the floral bill was being reduced, and that the 2008 figures were welcomed as a move towards 'transparent government'…….Well…..That is comforting news to the vast army of French workers that have been made redundant due to the financial climate…..They will all be able to sleep a bit better knowing that!!!!!

Dinosaur On The Beach

A Dinosaur was removed from Weymouth Beach in Dorset, UK on the grounds of health and safety!!!!!

A huge 20ft sculpture of a Tyrannosaurus Rex has been seized by officials on health and safety
grounds after it was taken to the beach.

The life-size metal model was towed into the sea at Weymouth Bay, Dorset, as a barmy way to promote Britain's Jurassic Coast.

The incredible sight caused great hilarity among bathers but unfortunately the local council and
police didn't see the funny side…..So no surprise there then!!

Under the impression it was in breach of health and safety rules, council workers spent 90 minutes recovering the great item from the water before impounding it……..Then, under police escort, they drove the model to a unknown compound.

Owner Paul Swaffield, who paid £2,000 to have it made, is demanding Weymouth and Portland Borough Council now return the sculpture called Tex.

Mr Swaffield had the model made three years ago as part of a dinosaur theme at a maze attraction he owns…..He said he decided to tow it into the sea to give the Unesco World Heritage Site an extra "wow factor".

Mr Swaffield said: "I just wanted people who saw it to say whether it is a good idea.

"The model is on wheels and I used a 110hp tractor to tow it down the slipway and into the sea at low tide.

"I drove it as far as I could - about 150 yards out - and left it there.

"The tide came in around it and I warned a couple of bathers that it was there.
"It was an incredible sight and people thought it was the funniest thing that had happened in Weymouth for many a year."

Mr Swaffield said that within minutes officials from the council joined beach lifeguards on the beach to condemn the stunt.

He said: "I was called things like irresponsible and a nuisance and they kept going on about health and safety.

"Members of the public saw the reaction of the officials as the typical state the country is in today, which is lacking in fun."

Mr Swaffield, who runs the Great Dorset Maize Maze, fears the local council will now scrap his sculpture.

He added: "I asked them what right they had to tow it away. I'm aware of legislation for impounding cars but I'm not sure about dinosaurs."

A Dorset Police spokesman confirmed they were called to help assist the council in removing the model to take it away.

A spokesman for the council's beach control said Mr Swaffield did not have any permission and the model had to be taken away for public safety.

The spokesman said: "It was quite a hazard so we had to take it away.

"It had metal spikes so we could not leave it on the beach. The dinosaur had to have a police escort when it was taken along the road as it was not a safe structure."

No doubt Mr Swaffield will be sent a bill by the council for the work involved and will find out that the miserable buggers will have scraped it and also charge him for that!!!!….Typical attitude of the mindless people that are given a modicum of authority nowadays.

No Holding Auntie Now!

Auntie Beeb is now "stockpiling" thousands of doses of the swine flu drug Tamiflu.

The BBC says it bought up supplies for staff who may come into
contact with the virus in the course of their work……….This has prompted an angry response
from the Tories who say the Government has warned against buying up stocks of the drug.

Evidently Auntie has bought up around 4000 doses and is using the excuse that it’s not for general use and can only be given to staff facing work related risks and not those coming into contact with the virus through friends or family…….YEH RIGHT

The Scottish Tory public health spokesman Jackson Carlaw said: "It is nothing short of disgraceful that a licence payer funded body is storing away an antiviral which is free on the NHS."

A BBC spokeswoman …….another mysterious nameless person……the BBC seems to have an awful lot of them …..said: "We have a duty of care to protect staff who may come into contact with infection in the course of their work as far as reasonably practical."

But…….Mr Carlaw…..who is now like a dog with a new bone and will not let the matter drop…… says he now plans to write to BBC bosses to raise the issue.

"As reported on BBC news the Scottish Government advice is clear - they do not encourage anyone to stockpile Tamiflu," he said.

"Do BBC executives not watch their own news bulletins? Those who are diagnosed as having H1N1 will receive the appropriate treatment on the NHS.

"There is no shortage of Tamiflu and people will understandably be very angry and I will be writing to the BBC to find out why it thinks this is an acceptable use of the licence fee which I and every other television owner is required to pay when on the other hand the BBC is complaining about a shortage of funds to sustain programming."

Unfortunately…….Me thinks…..He is wasting his time!….No matter what is said…..Auntie will just go her own way no matter what as she seems to be a law unto herself…….TIME WILL TELL!!!!!!!!

Bride’s Bouquet crashes Plane!

Bride's bouquet crashes plane in Italy…..Where else!!

A romantic wedding in the Tuscan countryside ended with injuries after an attempt to launch the
bride's bouquet from a plane brought down the tiny aircraft.

Italian police say two people were hurt in the crash of the ultralight plane after the bridal bouquet they
launched got caught in the aircraft's rear rotor.

The flowers blocked the engine, bringing the plane down by a youth hostel.

Police in the nearby town of Piombino said Tuesday the pilot was lightly injured in Saturday's crash, while the passenger who threw the bouquet had several broken bones.

The bride and groom were not aboard the plane…..God knows what would have happened if they had have been…..The mind boggles!!!!!

Auntie Beeb At It Again!

WELL……………LET’S GET THIS STRAIGHT THEN………….It seems to be alright to spend thousands of the taxpayers money on pension advice for 30 of the Beeb’s top executives and also executives like ……Michael Carrington, the controller of CBeebies, the digital children's channel, claimed £452.54 to moor a yacht in Cannes so he could host a party during an industry conference, and spent £4,589.40 on a business class flight to New York;

or…… Mark Bell, a commissioning editor for documentaries, spent £1,101.60 of public money on a flight to Malaysia when his family holiday was delayed by late changes to a programme…

or…Jane Tranter, the former controller of fiction, spent £1,772 on flowers for star presenters, actors and colleagues…….

or…..Roger Wright, the controller of Radio 3 and the director of the BBC Proms, used £3,493 of public funds on taxis in just one year…..

or….Alan Yentob, the corporation's creative director, charged the licence fee payer almost £1,600 for an "executive Christmas dinner"

….But heaven help a radio presenter, like Sarah Kennedy, who has the audacity to praise the late Enoch Powell on her Wednesday show……She went on to describe Powell, who was sacked from the shadow cabinet by Ted Heath in 1968 for his "Rivers of Blood" speech about the dangers of mass immigration, as "the best prime minister this country never had".

According to “one of Auntie’s lackey's”…..the Beeb received 25 complaints…..WOW……This is out of thousands of listeners……How many complaints do they get from the public about over-spending and they just get ignored…….I WONDER WHY???????

It’s Official. Sex Can Be Fun.

Well…….It’s official then…….Teenage sex can be fun!!!!…..that’s according to the British Health Service………

Health officials are trying to change the tone of sex education by urging teachers to emphasize that sexual relations can be healthy and pleasurable instead of simply explaining the mechanics of sex and warning about diseases.

The new pamphlet, called "Pleasure," has sparked some opposition from those who believe it encourages promiscuity among teens in a country that already has high rates of teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

The National Health Service in the city of Sheffield produced the booklet, which has a section called "an
orgasm a day" that encourages educators to tell teens about the positive physical and emotional effects of sex and masturbation, which is described as an easy way for people to explore their bodies and feel good.

Like more traditional sex education guides, it encourages demonstrations about how to use condoms and other contraceptives.

Some professionals have hailed the new approach as a welcome antidote to traditional sex education, which they say can be long on biological facts but short on information about the complexity of human relationships.

The booklet suggests ways in which teachers can encourage sexual awareness and responsibility while
teaching young people that sex is something that is meant to be enjoyed……Funny that……..My generation learnt by experience, crumpled pages of “Lady Chatterley's Lover” or “The Kama Suta”.

Steve Slack, who helped produce the leaflet as Director of the Centre for HIV & Sexual Health in Sheffield said some of the ideas in the booklet came from the Netherlands, which is well known in Europe for its liberal attitude toward sexual behaviour……If this wasn’t a real news item you’d think it was made up…….How the Hell do these people get the jobs in the first place????????……Oh Yes…..I forgot……The braindead morons went to a local “university” and came out with a first in “nose-picking”……..So even sex is being dumb down in Britain……GOD HELP US ALL

Pensioner In Dispute With Whirlybird.

Pensioner Pam Pringle is taking legal action against her neighbour because he is visited twice a
week by a friend – who arrives by helicopter.

Mrs Pringle called in the police and local council
officials after the two-seater machine keeps
making regular unwanted visits to the man living
next door to her home in a peaceful village.

Pam Pringle, 79, claims that her life is being "ruined" by the commotion of the aircraft taking off and landing in her neighbour Peter Nash's back garden.

With just a hedge separating their properties, Mrs Pringle says she is forced to take cover in her house due to the dust and noise created by the helicopter, which lands just feet away.

She has complained to the police, her local council, the Civil Aviation Authority and her MP, but has been told that the flights are not illegal and can therefore not be stopped.

Mrs Pringle said that police initially advised that she could get an Asbo against Mr Nash. However, the council investigated and told her that the noise created by the aircraft, 78.6 decibels, was not loud enough for a court to award an Asbo.

Speaking from her home in the village of Blythburgh, Suffolk, Mrs Pringle said: "It is ruining my life and I cannot go out in my garden."

The widow added: "The noise and the dust mean it is impossible to be out there when the helicopter arrives or leaves and I have to keep my curtains closed for privacy."

The two-seater helicopter is owned by pilot Bo Maggs, who was first granted permission by her friend, Mr Nash, to use his garden as a helipad in December 2007.

Mrs Maggs flies the Schweizer 269c helicopter 80 miles from her home in Shere, Surrey, to Blythburgh to visit friends and the grave of her uncle, a former priest, who is buried in the village graveyard.

Mrs Maggs, who has been flying helicopters for nearly 20 years, said: "I could fly in and out of Peter's garden all day if I want but I try and be reasonable…….It certainly sounds like it…..Is this thoughtless bitch for real?????

"I have fitted an extra silencer to the machine and when I take off or land I avoid flying over houses." ….Why????…..Does she normally make an effort to hit them!!!

Mrs Maggs met Mr Nash, who is in his 60s, while looking for a landing site for her £100,000 helicopter. She claims that her visits have also helped Mr Nash, a former British Airways steward, recover from serious health problems.

"Peter has a heart condition and had to go into hospital. He is very brave and still on medication and says my visits have helped his recovery," she added……So she’s a “flying district nurse” then……I know what a lot of people would call her and I’m sure “nurse” and “flying” wouldn’t be in the same sentence!!!!! 

Auntie Beeb…The Money Tree!

Sir Michael Lyons, the chairman of the BBC Trust, has laid himself open to accusations of hypocrisy after his remuneration package rose by 30 per cent to £213,000 last year, despite his assurances that the Corporation was cutting costs.

This scroungers basic pay of £143,000 for the part-time position was boosted by a £70,000 benefits package – doubled from last year - which covered his travel costs to and from work, the use of a London chauffeur and overnight accommodation.

Sir Michael's remuneration package was published in the BBC's annual report, which also showed that Mark Thompson, the director-general, received a total remuneration package worth £834,000 last year, up from £816,000 the year before.

All other members of the executive board saw their packages fall after bonuses were suspended. The figure included basic pay of £664,000, up from £647,000 in 2007/8, and £164,000 in pension payments.

Annual staff costs for running the Trust last year were £4.67 million - an average of £66,000 per head for each of the organisation's 70 staff.

There are now 701 executives at the BBC earning £70,000 or more, up from 669 in 2007/8…….Don’t forget folks…..The higher up the “Money Tree” you climb the less work you do but the greater the rewards…….Don’t worry…..COME THE EVOLUTION…..All these parasites will be sorted out once and for all….

Your Garden & You

HAVE you ever thought about what your favourite garden colours say about your personality?

Celebrity plantsman Chris Collins and TV fashion expert Mark Heyes have teamed up with the
Horticultural Trades Association to find out how plant colours can affect your moods, and how to
match colour schemes with your personality.

Some 80% of people admit their moods are positively affected when surrounded by colourful plants, according to research from PlantforLife, an HTA initiative which aims to help people get the most out of their garden.

Most people think colour is important in the garden, yet 76% of people don’t think about the way in which colours can work together or about the colours they are planting, the research found.

Find out which personality you are:

Romantic: You love life and see the good in everything. Swaying towards pinks and pastels, creams and ivories. Your palette might include the shrub Fuchsia Tom Thumb, which flowers
throughout the summer in a sunny border and looks good surrounded by pink roses or poet’s jasmine (Jasmine officinale). Other choices for the romantic could include Magnolia grandiflora Exmouth an impressive cream-flowered shrub, underplanted with bluebells.

Vivacious: You are confident and bubbly. You like bold colours including azure, tangerine, coral and cobalt blue. Suitable plantings would be French marigold, pictured above, (Tagetes Safari Tangerine) with zebra grass or plantain lily, and Grace Ward (Lithodora diffusa), an evergreen which produces masses of bright blue flowers in summer and is perfect cascading over walls, planted near Anemone hupehensis September Charm, which produces soft pink flowers in late summer, and sea
holly with its blue hues.

Mysterious: You lean towards deep reds and aubergines, metallics and splashes of vibrant purple. Good plantings for you might include the rich blue perennial Delphinium Blue Nile with the lantern tree (Crinodendron hookerianum) an evergreen shrub which has dark, glossy green leaves and red flowers hanging from its branches. The blues of viola and larkspur would also suit your colour palette, along with the silver-grey foliage of mugwort (Artemisia Powys Castle) and the reddish purple hues of the smoke bush (Cotinus Grace).

Sultry: Your favourite colour is black but you also like subtle, soft shades of charcoal and stony taupes. There will be statement colours such as red to add pizzazz to your planting schemes. Good choices for you include lilyturf (Ophiopogon planiscapus Nigrescens), known for its grass-like black leaves in the summer, lilac flowers and black fruits, providing stunning colour contrast with the annual Scotch marigold (calendula), with its dark orange, daisy-like flowers, which needs full sun to be at its best. A Japanese maple (Acer palmatum) such as Bloodgood may also feature in the sultry personality’s garden scheme, with its deep red leaves which turn a brilliant red in the autumn. Don’t plant it in direct sunlight as the leaves burn easily.

The full Colour Me, Colour My Garden guide can be downloaded free from;
www.plantforlife.info/colour

As the above picture shows……..That is all gardens are good for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who Needs Terrorists???

Workmen have caused £2 million of damage to Faslane……..The nuclear submarine base in Scotland.

Who needs to guard against terrorists when one has British workers to rely on!!

Workmen have caused £2million worth of damage at a nuclear submarine base. Contractors were fitting a new £150million jetty at HM Naval Base Clyde at Faslane when water flooded into vital wiring.

The massive jetty - the length of two football pitches - suffered major damage.

A source close to the project said: "It was being moved into place and workmen were drilling to put in
supports.
"There was a blast and water poured into electrical cells causing mayhem. It was a total disaster. Navy
chiefs were less than happy.
"There has been wrangling over who's going to foot the bill as it's going to cost a fortune to sort it
out."

The Valiant Jetty is to provide berths for six new Astute-class subs - the largest and most powerful
ever commissioned by the Navy.

Evidently….Workers had been inserting four piles each as high as Nelson’s column for a new berth…….when a “mistake” allowed  gallons of seawater to gush into one of the seaward cells and therefore “infect” electrical cabling……Go for it boys CND would be proud of you……..YEH RIGHT!!!!!

Cheer Up!!!

Comebacks & Insults

So, a thought crossed your mind! Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a shit.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
I see the wheel is spinning, but the hamster is definitely dead.
If you had another brain, it would be lonely.

If you were any more stupid, you'd have to be watered twice a week.
The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
When your IQ reaches 50, you should sell.

The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
I'd like to leave you with one thought, but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
He's not stupid; he's just possessed by a retarded ghost.
You’re the kind of a person that you could use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
If you were my dog, I'd shave your butt and teach you to walk backwards.

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

The proctologist called...they found your head.

Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Police Hunt “Dognapping” team

The police in the UK are hunting an organised gang of 'dognappers' after 24 animals were stolen in an area within a two week period.

All the dogs concerned were taken from homes in the Forest of Dean area of Gloucestershire.

Jane Hayes, founder of the DogLost website, from Newport, South Wales, has been assisting the police and said she believes a professional gang are responsible for the spate of thefts in May.
"It's definitely an organised gang who are targeting working dogs such as terriers, labradors and spaniels - all of which can be worth a lot of money," she said.

"If they phoned up and demanded ransom money then it would be possible to arrest them for extortion. But instead they ring up and say 'I've got your dog but I paid a lot of money for him in the pub so can you give me some reward money?'

"The reward money is always negotiable so they can demand whatever they want and if the owner offers a reward from the start they can't be prosecuted.
"The police's hands are tied because if they try to arrest these people they will claim they just found the dog somewhere."
She said she had accompanied one unnamed owner from the Forest of Dean who agreed to pay £500 to be reunited with his stolen dog.
"He was led off by three guys with Irish accents and they demanded the money," she added. "They brought the dog out and then they said, 'we don't want £500 anymore, we want £1,000'.
"He said, 'well what can I do, I don't have that money on me', so he decided the best thing he could do was just grapple with them, grab the dog and make a run for it.

"He managed to get to his car with the dog and sped off but it took him 30 miles to lose them."

Several dog owners have reported men trying to entice their pets away with food.

One pet owner from Coleford, Gloucestershire, who gave her name only as Sharon for fear of reprisals, said: "My son let the dogs out one night and as he followed there was a man leaning over the gate to grab at one of the dogs. My son shouted and he ran off but we've caught people leaning over the gate on several occasions trying to encourage the dogs with food."

PC John Palfrey, of Gloucestershire Police, appealed for dognapping victims to get in touch if they receive a ransom demand for a missing animal.
"It's important that people keep in contact with the police right from the initial incident," he said. "I understand the frustrations of people who've lost an animal that is very important to them.
"They must report it to the police and if it is the case that the dog has been stolen then we would create a crime report for that."……………..HANG THE BUGGERS BY THE BALLS………IS WHAT I SAY!!!!!!

The Human Shrub Strikes

 

The Human Shrub has vowed to strike "again and again and again" until he wins his crusade to fill a town with the perfume of flowers and buzzing of bees.

The UK’s latest and unlikeliest worldwide celebrity made the pledge as he broke his silence to reveal what was at the root of his eccentric campaign. The Human Shrub promised to carry out his horticultural mission until the streets of Colchester, Essex, are rejoicing with the scent of flowers and resonated to the sounds of bees.

The leaf covered creature, who shot to prominence earlier this week after he was spotted tending to a neglected Colchester municipal plant container, has said he is now preparing a list of demands for leading local councillors.

The hero for plants across Essex said he wishes to take his message to the 'leader of humans of the united kingdoms' at No 10 Downing Street.
The Shrub said: "I want him to step in and tell Colchester's political humans to invest money in plants and flowers for the sake of the bees and so all the humans of Colchester can enjoy the sweet smell of the flowers."
The plant campaigner added: "I am going to strike again and again and again until the political humans agree to plant more. I will soon outline a list of demands."

The Human Shrub first appeared in April in a one-plant demonstration in Colchester High Street after councillors decided that 20 per cent of the town's roadside shrubs and rose beds should be ripped out and grassed over to save cash.

The campaign was successful and the unpopular decision by Colchester Borough Council was reversed in a political U-Turn that became known locally as Shrubgate…….GOOD FOR HIM……STICK IT TO “THE MAN”!!!!!!

Le Gnat Names Jet “Carla”

WELL……WELL…..Le Gnat really does have a Napoleon complex!!!!

Mr Sarkozy stuck two fingers up to the recession and the rest of France last year and ordered £240 million worth of planes, including an Airbus designed to be bigger than any flown by other
European leaders, and two corporate ”run-arounds” for shorter trips.

A hugely luxurious Dassault Falcon 7X with a range of 6,000 nautical miles, has now been delivered complete with the hand-painted "Carla One" glistening on its side, in honour of his wife Carla Bruni…….If this wasn’t true it would be one of the biggest or cruelest jokes played on the French by a serving politician.

"She's a beautiful plane and of course officially named after the President's wife," said a source at the Villacoublay airbase near Paris, where the plane is currently stored.

Evident….. when Le Gnat married last year, he made it clear that the former super “model” would have the very best in aviation luxury to transport her around the world…….The Falcon comes with full leather seats and teak desks …….Surprise…Surprise…. It’s understood to be red, white and blue......Jean Guisnel, and aviation expert for France's Le Point magazine, said the model is decorated in the livery of all official French planes - sober and elegant……These people have no concept of irony then??

………And it doesn’t stop there……The Sarkozys will also be getting a top-of-the-range Airbus A330-200 which is bigger than any other European leader's…..So penis size does not come into play there then!!!!!……..The Airbus will be fitted with desks for Mr Sarkozy and a secretary, a meeting room for 12 people and seating for 60 passengers, as well as a bedroom and a private bathroom……This guy should get a reality check or at the very least advice on how well he’s currently liked…….YEH RIGHT

A Neighbours Lovemaking

A family in living Finstock, Oxfordshire in Britain have been woken repeatedly in the night since an amorous middle-aged couple moved next door to
their home five weeks ago…..their seven year old daughter has had to switch bedrooms because of the “noise” created by their neighbours nightly lovemaking…..This they claim is an invasion of their privacy!!!

Evidently they are worried that their daughter will go to school and repeat what she has heard through the thin walls.

The family approached their married neighbours who agreed to move their bed and place a wardrobe next to the thin adjoining wall, but the late night commotions have continued unabated.

They approached, West Oxfordshire District Council, who refused to get involved, saying that the noise related to "fundamental domestic activity". The family is now considering moving out even though they are happy living there, besides the noise that is!

The neighbouring couple said they have tried to quieten down and insisted they had done nothing wrong.
"Why should we not make love? We are married, we have four grown-up kids, at our age it's good as we can do what we want," they said…….Good for them….Grab it as much as you can…..You’re a long time dead!!!!!!

Yum……Yum

 

Luscious Cake

1 box lemon or yellow cake mix
1 can mandarin oranges with juice
4 eggs
1/2 c. vegetable oil
1 (8 oz.) container Cool Whip
1 can crushed pineapple with juice
2 boxes instant vanilla pudding

Mix first four ingredients and put in two flat pans. Bake at 350 degrees. Cool. For topping mix rest of
ingredients and put on cakes. Keep refrigerated.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Banana Walnut Cake

1/2 c. soft butter or margarine
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 c. packed brown sugar
3 eggs
2 1/4 c. flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/3 c. mashed, ripe bananas
1/4 c. milk
1 c. chopped walnuts

Cream together margarine, vanilla, and brown sugar. Add eggs and beat until light and fluffy. Mix dry
ingredients together. Mix bananas and milk together. Alternate between the banana and flour mixtures to add to the sugar mixture. Add nuts last. Pour into two greased and floured 9 inch round pans or one 9x13 inch pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 30-40 minutes. Cool. Frost with cream cheese frosting.

Frosting:

2 (3 oz.) pkg. cream cheese
3 c. powdered sugar
1 tsp. vanilla

Soften cream cheese. Mix all together and spread between round layers, sides and on top or over oblong banana walnut cake.

Just A Little Laugh

“Doctor, doctor, I’m so worried,” said the anxious man.
“Both my wife and I have black hair, but our son’s just been
born with red hair. Do you think something funny has been
going on?”
“Not necessarily,” replied the doctor. “How many times do
you have sex?”
“About 5 times a year.”
“Well, there’s your answer then, you’re just a little rusty.”

★ ★ ★
“Mummy, mummy, what are you doing?” exclaimed the little
boy as he walked into the bedroom to find her sitting on
daddy.
“Just flattening daddy’s tummy,” mum replied.
“I wouldn’t bother, when you go out tonight the au pair will
only blow it up again.”

★ ★ ★

“Hey June, how about a bit of slap and tickle tonight?”
“Sshh John, don’t talk like that in front of the children. Let’s
use code. Whenever you feel like it, just say, “How about
turning the washing machine on.”
A few evenings later, June turned to her husband and said,
“Shall I put the washing machine on tonight?”
“Don’t bother, love, you looked a bit tired so I did it by
hand.”

UK Prepares For Suicide!!

WELL……..WELL…..The UK, under this present Government, seems to be hell bent on suicide. They are to spend £1bn per year in overseas aid for countries that are recently emerging from a conflict.

According to International Development Secretary Douglas Alexander the money will target security and job creation. The aim is to try to prevent conflicts in 20 fragile states where about
one third of the poorest people in the world live. Also his department will also get a new look - branded UK Aid - to try to raise the profile of British government spending on international development. So more taxpayers money being spent there then!!!!

Where the Hell do these morons expect the money to come from? Britain has already been singled out, that it will be the slowest and last Country in the EU to pull itself out of this present recession but this is a typical Socialist ploy of SPEND, SPEND, SPEND…Because after all….There’s always someone else left to pick up the pieces.

My attitude to all this “overseas aid” is; SOD THEM….They kicked the Colonists out because they thought that they could run their own countries better!!…Well they certainly proved that they could to that…..They ran them straight into the ground but they always knew that they could rely on “hand-outs” from the West!!!! SO….SOD THEM ALL.

Sir Sterling Moss…Yeh Right!

The “driving expert” or ex racing car driver…..Sir Sterling Moss…….The one who has a lot of experience in driving on normal roads?….Not many parked cars, dogs/cats, radar cameras or junctions on a race track…..Eh Sir Sterling!!…..The former Formula One driver, believes elderly drivers should be made to retake their tests every five years.

The 79-year-old believes motorists should be re-evaluated when they reach 70, 75 and 80 to ensure they are safe and capable drivers.

His comments came as the UK Department of Transport figures suggested that accidents involving older people are likely to be caused by driver error and slower reaction times.

Sir Stirling said: "I do think older drivers should be re-evaluated because first of all, a lot of the road signs are changing and the road ethics are changing and the way the roads are formed. There are many things one has to keep up with.
"I think it would be a good idea to have a new evaluation when we reach 70, then 75, 80."

At present, a driving licence must be renewed at 70 and every three years after that. This is a form-filling process and elderly motorists do not have to retake a test. There are currently three million licence holders over the age of 70, and that number is projected to reach 4.5 million by 2014.

STUFF YOU MOSS…..Keep your opinions for the playboys on the racing circuit along with that barmy midget Bernie “The Dwarf” Ecclestone……The Formula One dictator….Sorry chief ……who stated that he preferred totalitarian regimes to democracies and praised Adolf Hitler for his ability to “get things done”.

Gordon Brown The World Leader????

So……….Let’s get this straight…..The World, especially the EU, is in the middle of a deep recession but “Gordon The Moron” wants the Governments in the West to cough-up around $100 billion per year to sort Global warming out!!!! NICE ONE GORDON.

In a speech, on 29th June given in all places, in the London Zoo……Which is where, an awful lot of people think “Gordon The Moron” should be permanently…. the British Prime Minister publically broke with the position of other developed countries by proposing that they provide "around 100 billion dollars" (£60bn) a year to help developing nations combat climate change and adapt to its
effects. Evidently it would be used to help fund their measures both to reduce their emissions of the pollution that causes global warming and to defend themselves against the consequences of increasing temperatures and rising sea levels.

Mr Brown's initiative was immediately welcomed by Denmark - which will host the crucial final session of the negotiations in Copenhagen in December – and by the developing world governments of Bangladesh and the Maldives, two of the countries most threatened by inundation from the higher sea levels that will result from global warming.
And it received unaccustomed praise from critical environmental pressure groups. WWF-UK (formerly the World Wildlife Fund) said Britain should be "loudly applauded for being the first country to begin to break the stalemate that has dogged international talks."

Greenpeace added that "by becoming the first major leader to put a figure on how much money is needed" the Prime Minister "has shown signs of leadership on climate change that have so far been sorely lacking"….So no surprise there then!!!

So far European finance ministers have twice refused to come up with a figure for the amount of money they are prepared to offer, fearing that it will only be bid up by Third World countries.
Some governments, including France, tried to persuade Mr Brown not to make today's announcement. But he decided that it was needed both to revive the negotiations and to provide a realistic proposal around on which the talks could focus……Why would Brown back away from making such sweeping suggestions…..He has got enough “Black Spots” against him in the UK that any “brownie points” he can gather….He takes every opportunity in doing so……GOD HELP SAVE US FROM MINISTERS WITH THEIR OWN AGENDA.

Cheer Up!!!

Confucius Say...

"Man who run in front of car get tired, Man who run behind car get exhausted."
"Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day."
"Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly."
"Women virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!"
"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."

"Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangcock"
"Man with one chopstick go hungry."
"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."
"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."
"Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"
"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."
"War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."
"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."
"Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night."
"Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"
"Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"
"It takes many nails to build house, but one screw to fill it."
"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!"

"Man who sit on tack get point!"
"Man who stand on toilet high on pot!"
"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement"
"He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."
"Man who farts in church sits in own pew."

Banned Produce Returning!!!!!

WELL…….WELL……..The loony’s in the EU have actually got their act together for once.

On Tuesday, EU Agriculture Commissioner Mariann Fischer Boel stated that the regulations on the shape of produce were an example of "unnecessary red tape."
"We don't need to regulate this sort of thing at EU level. It is far better to leave it to market operators. July 1 marks the return to our shelves of the curved cucumber and the knobbly carrot," the commissioner told the AFP.

"It makes no sense to throw perfectly good products away, just because they are the 'wrong' size and shape," she added.

This means that strangely shaped fruits and vegetables, such as bendy cucumbers and knobbly
carrots, will be allowed back into European supermarkets on July 1.

Last November…… 27 EU nations approved a repeal of the regulations, although the decision was not unanimous. For the past 20 years, European regulations had made sure that only standard-looking produce make it to market. In all, standards for 26 fruits and vegetables are being eliminated. The rules have been ridiculed by many, including major British supermarket
chain Sainsbury's, who called the regulations “bonkers.”

Others member states including France..... SURPRISE……SURPRISE..... have argued in favour of the rules, saying the removal of the restrictions will lead to a decrease in prices, thus impacting the poor hard pressed French farmers...... YEH RIGHT

This decision will eliminate 100 pages of EU legislation….UNBELIEVABLE!

The loony rules are being eliminated for apricots, artichokes, asparagus, aubergines, avocados, beans, Brussels sprouts, carrots, cauliflowers, cherries, courgettes, cucumbers, cultivated mushrooms, garlic, hazelnuts in shell, headed cabbage, leeks, melons, onions, peas, plums, ribbed celery, spinach, walnuts in shell, water melons, and chicory.

WAIT FOR IT……. Ten other fruits and vegetables, including apples, citrus fruit, kiwi fruit, lettuces, peaches and nectarines, pears, strawberries, sweet peppers, table grapes and tomatoes, will continue to have regulations.

Rules for these 10 types of produce are being held in place as part of a compromise with member states….ERR….COULD THAT BE FRANCE PERHAPS! …….that were opposed to the
repeal, although the fruits and vegetables may still be sold if labelled appropriately.

BUT………Bananas, because they are grown outside of the EU, remain under different legislation!!!!!!!!!

The EU never fails to raise a laugh with barmy legislation somewhere along the road!!!

“Auntie Beeb” Does It Again!!

WELL……..What a surprise……A leopard never looses it’s spots…..The BBC sent 407 staff to Glastonbury but didn’t broadcast full sets!

The failure to provide comprehensive coverage came despite the decision to flood the west country festival with almost as many BBC workers as were sent to the Beijing Olympics last year.

Fans had complained that the BBC had not shown Bruce Springsteen's full set. The corporation responded that was because the set - at two hours and 40 minutes - was too long to broadcast in its entirety.

The BBC has admitted that 125 staff and 150 freeloaders…WHOOPS SORRY….. freelancers are at the festival this year, either as presenters, producers, directors or technical crew in order to broadcast across its digital television and radio channels and website.

They evidently were joined by about 130 short-term contractors hired to offer support at the 1,100-acre Somerset site.

Also attending the festival were a group of senior corporation executives who received free passes to attend in a "work capacity"…….YEH RIGHT!!!!!

There was 111 hours of television coverage across BBC2, BBC3 and BBC4 and the BBC's interactive service………Evidently this compared with 3,050 hours coverage for Beijing, where the BBC sent just 30 more workers.

It also emerged that the BBC, which has provided coverage of the festival for the last ten years, was the only broadcaster to bid for the contract to provide coverage of Glastonbury when the contract came up for renewal……The other broadcasting companies obviously don’t have a bottomless pit of funds and have to answer to shareholders or have more sense!!

Matthew Elliott, the chief-executive of the TaxPayers' Alliance pressure group said the festival had turned into an "annual jamboree for BBC employees".
"It raises very serious questions because it leaves the licence fee payer with the impression that it's an annual BBC junket. All 407 staff can't all be there doing proper work.
"The fact that nobody else even wants this contract suggests people will be very concerned about how licence fee money is being spent."

A spokesman for the corporation said: "Our coverage of the festival is not comparable with the Olympics. We are the official broadcast partner to Glastonbury and are responsible for all broadcast infra-structure and transmission. Our pictures will be used around the world."

The BBC needs to be seriously looked into and a lot of the “deadwood” removed along with the crazy salaries that are being paid.