Where’s There A Will!!

Handcuffed man steals car

A handcuffed US man managed to escape from police by stealing their car and driving off with his knees.

Jose Rodriguez, 27, was arrested in connection with a shooting in the Bronx area of New York earlier this month, as well as for drunk driving and absconding on his parole responsibilities after police stopped his car in the nearby New Jersey.

The officers had Jose shackled his legs and placed him in the back seat of their unmarked car. As the officers searched his vehicle - finding a gun - Jose climbed into the front of their car and drove off, while still handcuffed.

The car was found with damage indicating Jose had crashed around five miles away. The assailant was captured the following day in Connecticut

Heartbreaking!!

Students complain about no ketchup, mustard

French fries, corn dogs and chicken tenders go unadorned

Students at Memphis City Schools are complaining there's no ketchup. No mustard, either. Calvin Jones, the interim head of food services, said the schools have plenty of bulk condiments, but not enough cafeteria workers to squirt them into little plastic cups. The schools are asking for individual packs.

The Commercial Appeal reported the school board approved $77,514 to buy little fast-food packs of ketchup and hopes to have it in the lunch lines next week.

In the meantime, French fries, corn dogs and chicken tenders go unadorned, unless students opt for hot sauce, barbecue sauce or mayonnaise.
Mitchell High School student Justin Pearson told the newspaper students were lunching on chicken sandwiches and fries with no ketchup - and no explanation.

Tattoo You!!

Rolling Stones tattoo too wild for pony

A German court has ruled that tattooing a pony with the Rolling Stones' famous tongue logo would infringe animal rights law.

The court in Muenster, north-western Germany, found against the white pony's owner, who wanted to tattoo the animal's right hind thigh to make it "more uniquely beautiful".

 

He had already shaved a large portion of hair from the animal and pre-tattooed the outline of the tongue, 15 square centimetres in area.

"The tattooing of a warm-blooded vertebrate contravenes animal protection laws," the court said.

"This forbids causing an animal pain without reason."

In addition, the court took into account the inability of the animal to understand why it was being tattooed.

The court also said the owner's desire to "beautify" the pony masked a more commercial purpose.

"He wanted to make money from a 'tattoo service for animals'," the court said.

A Bum Job??

Eat-Up

Man charged with eat and run at top restaurants

An unemployed man has been charged with wining and dining at a series of London's top restaurants, running up massive bills and then disappearing without paying, police said .

Latvian Janis Nords, 27, is accused of carrying out the scam on three occasions between October 14 and November 15.

He is accused of running off after amassing a 349-pound bill at the Glass House restaurant in Richmond, southwest London, and a 965-pound bill at the Connaught Hotel in central London.

The largest unpaid bill was at L'Oranger French restaurant in central London where he is accused of failing to pay for 1,021 pounds worth of food and drink.

Nords was due to appear in court.

Tit’s Up!!

Female topless ballot question fails in Mass. city

Voters in a western Massachusetts city have decided not to lose their shirts over at least one ballot question. Pittsfield voters soundly rejected on Tuesday a measure pushing for women to be allowed to walk around town topless.

The nonbinding question, which was only on the ballot in Pittsfield's 3rd Berkshire District, urged that district's state representative to introduce legislation amending the state's nudity definition.

Under the proposal, females of any age would be allowed be unclothed from the waist up in public anywhere males are allowed to be similarly undressed.

Denise Yon told The Berkshire Eagle she voted no because of her 12-year-old daughter. Around 70 percent also voted against the measure.

Katherine Gundelfinger, who spearheaded the signatures for the question, declined to comment.

Early Bath!!

Runaway buffalo found in neighbour's pool

Chris Nonnemaker and his wife, who are from Georgia, discovered the beast after going outside to inspect their pool after spotting two holes in the protective sheet, which was moving around.

The couple got the shock of their lives, however, when they realised that underneath was a buffalo - which had mysteriously disappeared two weeks earlier.

The Nonnemakers' neighbours had kept three buffalo on their property, but all three had escaped earlier this month.

Two were found shortly after the escape, but the third had not turned up - until it was found in the pool.

The emergency services were called and helped extracate the animal using a series of ropes.

However, the story did not have such a happy ending after it emerged that the owners had decided to have the buffalo put down for safety reasons.

Mr Nonnemaker said: 'It is sad but this cow had a history of getting out so the owner did not want anyone to get hurt.

'He decided to put her down.'

Clumsy Again!!

Oops: Accused  bank robber dropped wallet

Investigators knew a man accused of stealing $6,000 from a Florida Panhandle bank didn't stuff the cash in his wallet. That's because he somehow left it there, making it easy for authorities to find him.

The Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office says the 26-year-old robber brandished a handgun at Destin's Union State Bank on Thursday, ordering the employees to the floor. Deputies say he fled with $6,000.

While investigators searched the bank, a witness found a wallet nearby. Investigators showed the ID photo to bank employees, who thought it might be the robber.

Deputies searched the man's house and say they found cash and a gun that appeared to be the one used by the robber.

It Was A Hard Night!!

An “Off-Day”???

Customer gets ‘F**k You’ receipt.

The customer didn’t make a whopping order, but that surely doesn’t excuse the rude receipt.

In total, he spent $9.22 on a Double Whopper with cheese, onion rings and a small drink in the outlet in Sacramento, California.

To make matters worse, when the red-faced Perez pointed out the profanity to the worker who gave it to him, he just laughed.

It must have been confusing, because Perez certainly wasn’t aware of any beef that the employee had with him.

Burger King HQ clearly agreed that the message was a flaming insult, because heads rolled without any further ado

Takeaway??

Man calls cab to make robbery getaway

Police in Montana say a man robbed a bank and then called a taxi to make his getaway, tipping the driver $5 just before squad cars surrounded the cab. Taxi driver James Anderson told the Missoulian the man was acting strangely when he picked him up at a Missoula coffee shop.

He said the man first asked to be taken to the University of Montana campus, but couldn't give Anderson a specific location. The man then asked to be taken to a hotel, but not before stopping to buy cigarettes.

The cab fare was $7.50, and Anderson said the man tipped him $5 as they arrived at the hotel. Officers then pulled up and surrounded the taxi with guns drawn.

Police allege the man earlier entered a downtown bank, told a teller he had a weapon and demanded money. No one was injured.

Charges have not yet been filed, and the man's name wasn't released.

Clumsy??

Theft suspect nabbed after falling through ceiling

As police in Lexington sought a second man for theft of copper from a vacant house, Charles Creech came tumbling through a ceiling. The 36-year-old Creech had hidden in the basement ceiling after police responded to a neighbor's call about noise coming from the house.

Police spokesman Lt. Chris Van Brackel told the Lexington Herald-Leader officers captured 52-year-old David Hartsell after a foot chase Monday afternoon and were checking the home when the drywall gave way and Creech fell to the floor.

He was taken to a hospital, then charged with second-degree burglary and possession of burglary tools.

Hartsell also faces burglary charges.

The Fayette County District Court Clerk's office said both were referred to the public defender's office for representation. The public defender's office says neither has been assigned a lawyer yet.

Flower Power?

Florist finds cocaine in flower shipment

Sioux Falls police say a local florist found drugs in a shipment of flowers from Miami. Police spokesman Sam Clemens said an employee at North American Wholesale Florists on Monday opened a package of flowers that originated in South America and found three bags of cocaine.

Officers seized the drugs. No arrests were immediately made.

Let’s Be Friends??

Magistrate Jails Australian For Calling Him ‘Mate’

QUEENSLAND, Australia, where he Magistrate Matthew McLaughlin has jailed Thomas John Collins for calling him “mate“.

Magistrate McLaughlin did not like being called mat and ordered Collins to call him “sir or your honour’‘. This provided Collins with something of an open goal and he replied: “Okay mate.”

So, she was despatched to the cells to have it sink in that the JP is not his mate.

Local Ipswich City Councillor Paul Tully thinks this is wrong. He says:

“It is getting out of control. Some of these magistrates see themselves as Lord of the Fiefdom.”

He muses, what is “more Australian than calling someone mate”?

This is a rhetorical question and you should not answer, “serving a drink in London” nor “losing at cricket to a vibrant England pace attack and glorious batting” (that’s an Ashes reference for you US readers).

Says Tully:

“It’s probably time for magistrates to understand they have a wide variety of people before them and calling someone mate is a term of endearment. I say to every magistrate – Come on mate, get off your high horse and show some tolerance.”

Was calling the JP “mate” a knee-jerk reaction or, as it appears, a chance to antagonise him?

Caught Napping!

'Sleepwalker' beats drink drive rap

A Swedish man was acquitted of drink driving after a court said it couldn't rule out the possibility he was sleepwalking.

The 51-year-old man, who was not identified, had a blood alcohol level nearly 10 times the country's legal limit, reports The Local.
The man said he awoke late one evening in the driver's seat of his car, which had catapulted into a ditch in Karlskrona in southern Sweden.

He was wearing a nightshirt, track pants and slippers and told officers he was on his way to replenish his supply of snus, a wet snuff tobacco product.

The man later claimed to have no memory of initial post-accident interview, only that "he spoke with a police officer and that he was in shock and extremely intoxicated when the interview took place".

In tossing out the drink driving charges, Blekinge District Court cited the opinion of the man's doctor who said he may have suffered from sleepwalking.

The doctor said the man had previously displayed what could be interpreted as sleepwalking after taking the same pills he took the night of the accident.

As a result, the court said: "It cannot be shown beyond a reasonable doubt that the man was aware of his actions when he drove his car."

The man's attorney, Christer Holmqvist, said he wasn't surprised by the verdict but added that he expected prosecutors to appeal.

"I won't be surprised if it's appealed. I understand there is a certain amount of public pressure on a prosecutor to gain a conviction," he said.

Fast Food

Snowbirds??

Mother bear and 3 cubs surprise  neighbourhood

A mother bear and three cubs are back in their usual habitat after surprising a Florida neighbourhood by hanging out in a big pine tree. Residents found the black bears on Monday morning. They had climbed a pine tree in a subdivision in Navarre in the Florida Panhandle. They slipped away later in the day.

Neighbour Bob Anderson says the bears are lured from a nearby preserve by garbage cans put outside for collection day.

A biologist with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission said three cubs is not unheard of for the area.

Sacre Bleu

French want to ban people swimming the Channel

t's been a sporting challenge since the 19th century, but French coastguards now want to ban people from swimming the English Channel.

They claim the 21-mile swim from Dover to Calais has become increasingly dangerous as more vessels use the busy shipping route.

It's also said there's been a dramatic increase in the number of people trying the challenge since it was completed for charity by comedian David Walliams.

French Coastguards claim this means accidents are now far more likely and that all attempts should be banned on safety grounds.

However, British channel swimming associations argue their crossings are safe and well organised… in fact you could say they go swimmingly.

Channel swimming faced a similar fate 17 years ago when France banned swimmers using the Calais to Dover route -- it was only negotiations by channel swimming associations which allowed it to continue.

Bummer!

Man hides firework in bum to avoid police

Jurgen Bach took the extreme measure when he was stopped after allegedly setting off home-made fireworks across Munich.

The 20-year-old was still arrested... and he hasn’t been let off yet.

Like his German counterpart, the unnamed prankster - who had recently returned from a tour of duty in Iraq - also inserted a Halloween rocket in a place definitely not recommended by the Fireworks Code.

As onlookers cheered, he lit the blue touchpaper and proceeded to incur serious burns to his bum region.

Onlookers said the chap had been attempting to re-enact a scene from TV prank show Jackass where the character Steve-O shoots a firework from his rear.

'There were around 40 of us after the bonfire had finished,' explained witness Daniel Kassim, 16.

'This lad was saying, “This is boring, what can we do?”. He then put a rocket up his backside and set light to it.
'Everyone was laughing and didn't believe he'd do it. He pulled his trousers down and it exploded within seconds.
'No one thought he was hurt. But then he stood up and walked a few metres before stumbling and falling to the ground. There was quite a bit of blood.'

Don't try this at home, kids.

Boneyard Snack??

Scary takeaway

A takeaway restaurant is offering free meals to anyone brave enough to have it delivered to a graveyard.

British website HungryHouse.co.uk has launched a new online service which will see hot food delivered to burial grounds for free during the spooky period.
Marketing manager Graeme Horne said: "For every order we get that includes the word 'graveyard' in the order comments box delivered to graveyards or cemeteries across the UK, we will reimburse the cost of the takeaway to ensure that hungry frightseekers are at least well fed!"

Hungry Halloween revellers must order their food online - checking their nearest restaurants are taking part - and will be reimbursed on deliver

Pussy Attack?

Mail ban after small cat attack

Royal Mail officials are refusing to put a Portsmouth family's post through their letterbox in case their cat attacks the postman.

The postal service claims tortoiseshell Lana is a risk to staff after she scratched a postie's hand, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Instead, the the postman has to knock on the door each morning and Lana's owner, Carl White, has to collect the mail in person.

And Mr White, 36, and wife Carol, 26, have been told to keep Lana away from the door or face a ban on having post delivered to their home.

He said: "The postman had put the letter through the door and for some reason Lana scratched his hand. She wasn't being vicious - I think she just saw the hand and was being playful.

"A couple of weeks after the incident we got a letter from Royal Mail to say if we did not keep her away from the door then they will suspend our service.

"I was shocked and thought someone was playing a joke. She's really docile, I can pick her up like a baby and she won't bat an eyelid."

A spokesman for Royal Mail said: "We can confirm an employee suffered an injury to a finger after being scratched by a cat while on their deliveries.

"We have contacted the owner to make sure they are aware of the matter and ensure we can continue to safely deliver to the address in the future."

A Quick Bite

Sandwich delivery driver nabbed twice for drinking

Police said a sandwich delivery driver was cited for drinking and driving twice in one night. Police told the Winona Daily News the 19-year-old was drunk Saturday when was making a delivery for Erbert and Gerbert's Sandwich Shop. Police said the Winona man parked in the middle of street and turned off his lights, and a taxi nearly struck his car.

Officers contacted his manager, who said he wouldn't make any more deliveries that night.

Police cited the driver for underage drinking and released him, telling him not to drive. But police said they later spotted him driving a different vehicle.

Police said he was arrested for underage drinking and driving and taken to jail, where his blood-alcohol level was measured at 0.06 percent, The legal limit is 0.08 percent for adults.

OUCH!!

Dog bites flasher in the Cotswolds

An alleged flasher in the northern Cotswolds was bitten by a dog belonging to the woman he had sought to terrorise on Thursday evening.

Police have confirmed that they are looking for a man who indecently exposed himself to a woman in her 60s near Dunstall Flats, Moreton-in-Marsh at around 7pm, This Is Gloucestershire reports.
Sergeant Ian Dowling of North Cotswolds police said: "This was clearly an upsetting incident for the woman and her dog.

"The animal seems to have acted instinctively and was not urged to attack the offender.
"We're looking for any information or description that might help us with the investigation.

"Naturally, because of the nature of the incident, we are keen to hear about anyone seen with a dog bite on his right arm in the last 24 hours."

The man has been described as 5ft 2ins tall, slim, with an English accent with blue-brown eyes. He was wearing a light blue top, black hat and navy blue tracksuit trousers.

Free Speech

A sad loss of a great social commentator

It’s A Devil Of A Job!

Teen dressed as devil robs gas station

A 17-year-old boy is accused of holding up a Winnipeg gas bar while wearing a red devil mask and armed with two knives early Monday.

City police officers weren't spooked by the suspect's Halloween-inspired getup. They arrested him in the act at gunpoint.

The hold-up occurred at about 2:50 a.m. A source said a male employee, who was working the graveyard shift alone, was stocking soft drinks outside the kiosk when he caught a glimpse of the suspect. The employee retreated into the kiosk but wasn't able to lock the door in time or hold the male off as he struggled to enter, the source said.

The suspect opened the glass door and forced his way inside the tight space, which is monitored by a surveillance camera and outfitted with an alarm system.

The masked thief demanded cash and cigarettes. By that point the employee had pressed a panic alarm button to alert police, the source said.

Patrolling officers intervened and arrested a suspect.

The teen has been charged with robbery with a weapon, wearing a disguise with intent, failing to comply with a recognizance and two counts of failing to comply with an undertaking. He remains in custody.

A Fishy Tale!!

Jumping barracuda injures kayaker

A barracuda jumped out of the water and bit a 45-year-old woman kayaker in the chest in the Florida Keys, causing injuries which required her evacuation by boat and helicopter to a Miami hospital, the U.S. Coast Guard said on Monday.

It said the incident, in which the woman suffered a suspected punctured lung and broken ribs, took place on Sunday evening near Big Pine Key where the victim and a companion were kayaking in shallow water.

The two told rescuers the fish was about 4 feet (1.2 meters) long and was previously seen skipping across the water. It knocked the woman out of the two-person kayak when it hit her in the chest, the Sun-Sentinel newspaper reported.

She climbed back into the kayak and her companion, unable to row her to safety, called for help on his mobile phone.

"She had a pretty bad chest wound," the paper quoted one of the rescuers, Captain Kevin Freestone, owner of TowBoatU.S. in Big Pine Key and Cudjoe Key and a member of the Volunteer Fire Department in Big Pine Key. "She was conscious, and she was scared about what had happened to her."

The U.S. Coast Guard station in Marathon launched a vessel, but because of the shallowness of the water it was a small boat deployed by TowBoatU.S., which assists vessels in distress, which was able to transport a paramedic to the injured woman and bring her to shore.

A helicopter took her to Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami where she was listed as stable, the Coast Guard said.

Barracudas are sleek, swift predators with razor sharp teeth. Other cases of the fish leaping out of the water and biting fishermen and boaters have been reported in Florida.

Whimps??

Half of men won't order soft drinks in a pub

One in two men admit they won't order a soft drink in a pub because 'it's not manly enough', a study has found.

Researchers discovered millions of blokes buckle to peer pressure and order a beer at the bar when they would have happily enjoyed a soft drink.

One-in-ten went as far as to say they 'wouldn't dream' of ordering a non alcoholic beverage in front of their boozing mates.

Around 47 percent of the 2,00 men polled said doing so made them feel 'a bit of a wuss' and 17 percent were worried their mates would take the mickey.
More than half of men also thought it was harder for them to order a soft drink in the pub than a woman. Even though she actually wanted a glass of wine.

A spokesman for Iron Press, which commissioned the poll, said: "For many men, it's important they have a certain image in front of their friends.

"Many women probably wouldn't think twice about ordering a soft drink when they are with their girlfriends."

Once Bitten??

Mauled trainer to wed with tiger as best man

A tiger trainer almost mauled to death by his big cats is to wed in the circus ring - with one of the beasts who nearly ate him as best man.

Christian Walliser, 28, was in a coma for a month after his pack of 32-stone Bengal tigers turned on him during a performance in Ausburg, Germany.

Now the trainer is to wed his gay partner Jan Birk in a cage with one of the cats as best man and three others as witnesses.

"It seemed the right place to say yes to each other," explained Christian, who has to have his hip rebuilt with titanium plates after the tigers crushed it with their powerful jaws when he tripped during a performance.

The trainer - who had to have bone fragments removed from his brain - added: "I've never held a grudge, I fell and they seized their chance."

The wedding - which will take place before a circus performance on 8 December - will be carried out by a local registrar who has agreed to join the couple in the tiger cage.

A Quick Snack

Live crab vending machines

Commuters in China are being offered an alternative to the crisps, chocolate and fizzy drinks usually dispensed from train station vending machines - live crabs.

Crab dispensers have been installed at several underground stations in Nanjing, capital of southeastern province of Jiangsu, reports the Daily Telegraph.

The Dazha hairy crabs, a popular regional delicacy, are sold in three sizes - large, medium or small - and range in prices from £1.50 to £5.00.

The crabs are packed into custom-fitted plastic boxes and chilled to 41F (5C) which is enough to sedate them but also keep them alive.

A sign next to the machine offers three free crabs for anyone unlucky enough to get a dead one, the Guangzhou Daily reported.

"The customers were a bit sceptical at first as they were worried if the crabs were alive or not," said Wu Zhendi, general manager of the Twin Lake Crab Co.

"But now they see they are alive, they keep coming back. We are selling hundreds each day, and more at weekends."