Children’s Books You Will Never See

"You Are Different and That's Bad"
"Dad's New Wife Timothy"
"Pop! Goes the Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games"
"Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets"
"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"
"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"
"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"
"Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change from your Mom's Purse"
"The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy"
"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"
"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"
"Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear"
"You Were an Accident"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
"Some Kittens Can Fly!"
"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"
"Where Would You Like to be Buried"
"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer-Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"All Dogs Go to Hell"
"The Kid's Guide to Hitchhiking"
"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
"Mr. Fork and Ms Electrical Outlet Become Friends"
"Bi-Curious George"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Beat Up Enemies Fast, and Other Fun Recess Games"
"The Best and Complete Guide to Throwing Tantrums"
"My daughter, Billy"
"Let's chase that Rabid Raccoon and See What Happens!"
"Barney and His Dinosaur Friends Trample New York City"

"What Happens if I Pour Gasoline in the Fireplace?"
"Let's use the Kitty as our Lasso!"