Toilet Training

Boy’s head gets stuck in toilet seat

Firefighters had to cut a toddler loo-se after his head got stuck in a toilet seat.

The 18-month-old got into difficulties after he decided to use the seat as a hat, but it slipped down over his ears.

Luckily, firefighters who were summoned by his worried mum in Loughton, Essex, weren’t driven round the u-bend by the young chap’s antics.

Firefighter Steve Seary, whose team used specialist cutting equipment to free the youngster, said: ‘He had been wearing the training toilet seat as a hat and his Mum turned her back and then he slipped it down over his ears and it was stuck, but it wasn't tight or causing him any difficulties.  

‘The boy was really brave and sat still so we could work. He seemed just fine afterwards and we were happy to see him free of his toilet seat.’

Nearer To God??

Police nab man in church roof after burglaries

Atlanta police have arrested a man found in a crawl space on a church roof after a series of burglaries at the building. Pastor Robert Reed of Pleasant Word Christian Center says the arrest was made Sunday night. Reed said his church has been broken into 17 times and that the thieves ripped up the church's alarm system, disabled motion detectors and broke out windows.

Reed said 10 air conditioning units were also stolen, which forced church leaders to cancel Sunday services. He said burglars have been stealing copper from the church.

Cleaning Up!!

Cat turns on vacuum cleaner, nearly dies from fright

A cat home alone in Germany apparently turned on the vacuum cleaner, frightened itself half to death and wound up being attended to by emergency services.

Police in the Bavarian city of Bayreuth said a neighbor heard the cat's cries - not to mention a vacuum left running for hours - and feared there'd been a terrible accident.

The fire service sped to the scene Monday evening, but found only the cat and the machine.

A police statement Tuesday said the emergency call wasn't entirely in vain, though, because "at least the cat could be calmed down."

Spiked!!

Bench spikes

Chinese park officials are fitting steel spikes on benches in a bid to stop people from hogging them.

If visitors to the Yantai Park in Shangdong province, eastern China, sit too long on the seat without paying at the nearby meter the spikes will shoot up through the bench.

Although they can't cause any serious harm, they are long enough to stop people sitting comfortably.
Parks in China suffer from severe overcrowding at weekends when millions of people try to escape the country's cities.

One official said: "We have to make sure the facilities are shared out evenly and this seems like a fair way to stop people grabbing a bench at dawn and staying there all day."

Taken For A Ride!

 78 year old, rides roller coaster 90 times in day

A 78-year-old man rode a Pittsburgh-area roller coaster 90 times in one day - bringing his lifetime total to 4,000 rides. Vic Kleman spent about five hours on the Jack Rabbit roller coaster at Kennywood Park in West Mifflin.

The wooden coaster is no spring chicken, either. It's celebrating its 90th anniversary - the number that prompted Kleman's marathon riding session on Sunday.

The Jack Rabbit has an 85-foot, double-dip drop. Kleman says he's been going on it since 1959, and usually rides it about 20 times a visit.

Kleman, who lives in nearby Knoxville, Pa., is a member of the American Coaster Enthusiasts.

What’s In A Name?

Family 'dropping uncomputable surname'

A Chinese family has reportedly started the process of changing their shared surname because it cannot be recognised by computers.

According to BBC News, the 200 members of the Shaan family from Shandong province spell their name with an unusual local variant.

A Shandong paper reports that the rare spelling of Shaan, which is a cross between the symbol for "three" and sign for "and", is not recognised by computers.

Coding systems are often used to convert pictorial Chinese characters for printing purposes, but some are so unusual that they are never assigned a code.
Members of the family have had to change the spelling of their name when they apply for a machine-issued residence permit or driving licence.

The family are now changing their name to a more-easily recognised form of the word.

Cuddle Up!!

Third of adults ‘still take teddy bear to bed’

More than a third of adults still hug a childhood soft toy while falling asleep, according to a new survey.

More than half of Britons still have a teddy bear from childhood and the average teddy bear is 27 years old, the poll found.

Travelodge, the hotel chain, surveyed 6,000 British adults and found that respondents said sleeping with a teddy a “comforting and calming” way to end the day.

The survey also found that 25 per cent of men said they even took their teddy away with them on business because it reminded them of home.

Travelodge said that in the past year staff have reunited more than 75,000 teddies and their owners.

Spokesman Shakila Ahmed said: “Interestingly the owners have not just been children, we have had a large number of frantic businessmen and women call us regarding their forgotten teddy bear.”

Corrine Sweet, a psychologist, said cuddling a teddy bear was an ‘important part of our national psyche’.

She said: “It evokes a sense of peace, security and comfort. It’s human nature to crave these feelings from childhood to adult life.

“It’s not surprising, then, that taking a teddy bear on a business trip is popular. As a bedtime bear evokes feelings of home, warmth, and can help you nod off – just like in babyhood.”

The study also found that the traditional teddy bear was the most popular cuddly toy among adults, with Winnie the Pooh second and Paddington Bear third.

You’re Nicked!

Cops Arrest Safety Fear Chase Ban Thieves

Police who were ordered not to chase after motorbike thieves because of health and safety fears for the raiders have made two arrests, the force has confirmed.

The trio were not wearing protective headgear when they sped off on high-powered bikes worth £20,000, following a raid at a showroom.

In line with national police policy, officers do not chase suspects on motorbikes if they are not wearing helmets because it is deemed too dangerous for the riders.

The thieves fled on a Yamaha R1, a Honda 1000 Fireblade and a Honda CBR 600, following the burglary at the Manchester Motorbike Store in Altrincham, Cheshire.

Two men aged 26 and 24 have since been arrested on suspicion of theft and bailed pending further inquiries, until September 10.

One of the bikes has also been recovered, Greater Manchester Police confirmed

Officers had reportedly seen the raiders but, when they contacted their inspector for guidance, he ordered them not to pursue.

Greater Manchester Police (GMP) have now defended their actions and said the officers were merely following national policy for all forces.

Superintendent Steve Nibloe, of GMP, said: "When police officers attended to this incident, suspects were seen driving off on motorbikes.

"The officers were asked not to pursue the suspects, as they were not wearing the correct safety equipment and were not wearing helmets, so it is clear to me the correct decision was taken.

"Detectives are pursuing a number of positive leads around this burglary as part of their thorough investigation, which is ongoing."

……….Welcome to Britain…..The “Land of Opportunity” for all thieves!!!!!

Lucky Lad??

Unlucky 13

A 13-year-old British boy was struck by lightning at 13:13 on Friday 13.

The teenager was at the Lowestoft Seafront Air Festival in Suffolk last Friday (13.08.10) and suffered a minor burn before being taken to the nearby James Paget Hospital.

He is expected to make a full recovery.
Jason Gillingham, county ambulance officer and on scene at the show, said: "This was a very minor burn to the boy's shoulder, but he was conveyed to hospital and is recovering well."

Another teenager and a woman were also struck but didn't need treatment.

Jamming!!

Bear freed after 10 days with head stuck in a jar

A bear cub which had its head trapped in a jar for 10 days - earning itself the name 'Jarhead' - has finally been freed by rescuers.

It's thought the clumsy black bear had got his stuck in the jar while foraging for food in rubbish bins in Florida.

But despite several public sightings of the unusual hat-wearing bear wandering in Ocala National Forest, experts had struggled to locate it.

Eventually the six-month-old bear was finally found with its mother and two other cubs, and after its mother was shot with a tranquilliser dart the experts stepped in to help.

The were able to pull the jar off the head of the tired and hungry 25-pound cub… which is certainly not smarter than the average bear.

Never Too Old

Old Bank Robber Escapes On Zimmer Frame

POLICE in British Columbia, Canada, are looking for an elderly man who has robbed a Prince George Bank of Nova Scotia and made off on his Zimmer frame.

The man, who produced no weapon during the raid, escaped with small amount of cash.

A mere half an hour later the 75-year-old was apprehended walking slowly by shops in the area. He is now in jail.

Says Gary Godwin, of the Prince George RCMP:

“You never know what you have on the other side of the counter. If he says he has a weapon, the best thing is to give him what we wants. Err on the side of caution is what we teach.”

Or ask him to repeat his demands and see if he recall what he came in for…

Bring Your Own!

US schools ask students to carry own toilet paper

Shrunken budgets force schools to pass on some expenses to students

Constrained with shrunken budgets, schools across the US are asking students to bring their own toilet papers among other items.

Students in several schools now have toilet rolls, wet tissues, and paper plates, besides the usual load of books, reports The New York Times.

The newspaper cited a case of first grader Emily Cooper who headed off for her classes in Moody, Alabama, with two double rolls of toilet paper, three packages of wet wipes, three boxes of baby wipes, two boxes of garbage bags, liquid soap, paper tissues and Ziplocs.

“The first time I saw it, my mouth hit the floor,” Emily’s mother, Kristin Cooper, said of the list, which also included perennials like glue sticks, scissors and crayons.

Every student at Pauoa Elementary School in Honolulu need to carry a four-pack toilet paper stock.

While pre-kindergartners in the Joshua school district in Texas have get paper plates and cups, students at New Central Elementary in Havana, Illinois and Mesa Middle School in Castle Rock, Colorado must carry packs of printer paper.

To cash in on the business opportunity, and partly offset the sales slump, retailers of school stationary have begun stocking everything from wet tissues to plastic cutlery.

Must Remember To Duck

Giant asteroid 'heading for Earth in 2182

team of experts, including some working for NASA, believes the 612-yards-wide object has a one-in-a-thousand chance of an impact 172 years from now.

The odds of a crash are considerably shorter than those given for the asteroid Apophis, which has a 1 in 250,000 chance of striking Earth in 2036.

A report in the solar system journal, Icarus, said the odds of an earlier impact were more remote but increased by 2080 when its orbit will bring it swinging back towards Earth.

Maria Eugenia Sansaturio from the Universidad de Valladolid in Spain, who co-led the research, told Universe Today that knowledge of the risk posed by the asteroid "may help design in advance mechanisms aimed at deviating the asteroid's path."

It was first discovered in 1999 and is more than twice the size of Apophis. If it were to hit it is likely to cause widespread devastation and possible mass extinction.

Sansaturio added: "The consequence … is not just the likelihood of a comparatively large impact, but also that a realistic deflection procedure, or path deviation could only be made before the impact in 2080, and more easily, before 2060.2

Previous asteroid impacts are thought to have created massive craters and tsunamis and have even been blamed for the extinction of the dinosaurs.

Sue…Baby…Sue!!!

Inmate sues man he's convicted of burglarizing

A Florida inmate is suing the man he's convicted of burglarizing, claiming the man and two others roughed him up during a citizen's arrest. Michael Dupree is serving a 12-year sentence for burglary and cocaine possession stemming from a 2007 break-in of a van in St. Petersburg. Dupree allegedly stole a bicycle locked inside and was apprehended after the owner, Anthony McKoy, saw him with the bike down the street.

Dupree said McKoy and two others pointed a gun at him, handcuffed him and placed a knee painfully in his back. He's seeking $500,000 for disabilities and distress suffered during the takedown.

Dupree filed the civil lawsuit on his own, without the help of an attorney.

After being served with the suit, McKoy said, "I thought it was a joke. I'm the victim."

Read It!!

Motorist caught speeding at 103mph – blames dyslexia

In doing so he joins the elite ranks of bizarre excuse-givers, which includes Sir Alex Ferguson, who famously blamed Manchester United’s grey kit for losing 6-3 to Southampton, and various train companies for the perennial ‘leaves on the line’ spin.

His excuse is made to look all the sillier after witnesses described him weaving in and out of traffic on the A27 between Falmer and Hollingbury in East Sussex, while smoking a cigarette and gesticulating wildly at other drivers.

The 40-year-old’s handling of his vehicle was so erratic that a concerned motorist dialled 999. He was eventually pull over by traffic police.

At Hove Crown Court, prosecutor John Marsden Lynch said: ‘He told the police officer that he did not understand the speed dial because he was suffering from dyslexia.’

On Friday Recorder Christopher Morris-Coole said he was ‘sceptical’ about Cook's explanation.

Cook, who is terminally ill, admitted a count of dangerous driving and has been banned for three years.

Sheepish!

Sheep 'take over' Hobbit homes in NZ

A flock of sheep has reportedly moved into the empty Hobbit homes constructed in Matamata, New Zealand for the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy.

Images from various social networking sites reposted on Kuriositas show the creatures moving in and around the Hobbit holes, 17 of the original 37 of which have been preserved as a tourist attraction.

The homes themselves are empty, as all internal shots of Hobbiton in Peter Jackson's award-winning trilogy were filmed in studios.

Fans of the films can book a two-hour guided visit to the working farm with Hobbiton Movie Set & Farm Tours, with refreshments available at The Shires Rest Cafe.

Dog Gone!

Dog seeks help from neighbor after owner collapses

A small dog who refused to return home until a neighbor followed her helped rescue her owner after he collapsed at home following heart surgery. Charles Mitchell said he was working in his yard last week in the Oregon wine country town of Yamhill when an 11-year-old dachshund named Missy scampered up and refused to leave.

Mitchell told the dog to go home, but she refused, and when he decided to follow her across the street to investigate, he found his neighbor, Charlie Burdon, had collapsed inside his home.

The police chief arrived with paramedics, Burdon was taken to the hospital. Burdon suffered an attack of vertigo and is recovering.

But Burdon and Mitchell, who have known each other for years, both said Missy is their hero.

Taking The Piss

Woman throws urine at cops

A Pasadena, Calif. woman was arrested after she allegedly tried to run over a man with her car and then threw a bag of urine at police officers.

Thirty-nine-year-old Monica Avila was jailed Thursday on suspicion of attempted murder, reports the Pasadena Star News. Police say it all started the night before when the brother of Avila's ex-boyfriend saw her trespassing on his property. He tried to talk to her but she reportedly tried to hit him with her car before driving off.

When police pulled over Avila a short time later she took out her urostomy bag and threw it at the three arresting officers who were splashed with its contents.

Police Rescue

Kitten emergency

Firefighters in Austria had to dismantle a police car to rescue a kitten.

Emergency services were called to a Vienna neighbourhood after the animal's desperate mewing kept local residents awake and ended up searching half the night to find the cat.

After locating the creature under the hood of a car, rescuers were amazed when it fled, taking cover under several other vehicles before apparently disappearing - though its cries could still be heard.
Firefighters and police eventually traced the cat to a small space inside the floor panel of a police car, resulting in the bottom of the vehicle being taken apart to rescue it.

However, the kitten was far from grateful to be rescued.

Firefighter Franz Zehetmeier exclaimed: "It bit my finger!"

Keep Production Up??

Workplace sex more likely at factories

Factories may not rank high on the list of sexy places to get it on, but the people who work there are more likely to have had a sexual encounter at work than those in other professions, according to a new survey.

U.K. human resources firm Reabur released a survey of 1,434 people this week to determine the country's top 10 “randiest” professions. Factory workers are at the top of the list, with 19% of those surveyed admitting to having had a sexual encounter at the workplace.

Office workers were a close second, with 16% admitting to getting frisky with a co-worker on the job.

Rounding out the top-10 list are bar staff (15%), retail assistants (13%), plumbers (11%), teachers (10%), chefs (9%), postal workers (9%), firefighters (7%) and cabin crew (6%).

The results seem to disprove commonly held stereotypes about which workers are the most sexually active at work. According to the survey, 48% of the people polled said airplane cabin crew would be the most promiscuous.

Georgina Read, Reabur's co-managing director, said the poll proves that stereotypes can be quite wrong, but she wasn't surprised by the professions that ranked first and second on the list.

“Jobs that require a large amount of repetition tend to allow the mind to wander, quite clearly leaving it free to think of other, more exciting things,” she said in a release. “Employees must remember that not only is getting randy in the workplace likely to be a disciplinary offence, but it can also cause a great deal of friction amongst colleagues. You may think you’re being discreet, but these things always have a way of creeping out!”

Prickly Situation

Woman 'Calls 911 After Acupuncture Mishap'

A woman apparently had to pull acupuncture needles out of her back and call emergency services after staff forgot about her and closed the clinic with her still inside.

The 47-year-old was still on the treatment table when she realised at some point that the acupuncturist had left and shut the office in the US state of Washington.

The woman said she tried to leave - but the doors were closed and needed a key to unlock them, even from the inside.

Police spokesman Mark Young said she set off motion detector alarms while attempting to get out and finally called 911 for help at about 7:30pm.

Officers responded and were able to get her out of the building and the woman was unharmed, according to the Bellingham Herald.

She said she had been undergoing treatment at Discovering Health in Bellingham, Washington.

A call to the clinic was returned by a lawyer, who declined to comment.

A Department of Health spokeswoman said if the patient filed a complaint, it would be investigated.

She would not speculate on what the penalty, if any, would be.

House Sale??

Tenant sells rented property for £1.47m

A tenant has admitted selling his rented townhouse for £1.47 million.

Steven Rice, 43, of Basingstoke, Hampshire, pretended to be the owner of the South Kensington home after renting it using the false identity of Stuart Knight.

He then sold the property in the name of genuine freeholder Vernon Stratton, 83, before putting the money in a fraudulent account under that name.

Daniel Burgess, managing director of letting agency Discount Lettings, said: "Tenant sub-letting is not going to stop. But this is a one-in-a-million case.

"I can't see many tenants having the confidence to get fake ID and maintain the front with solicitors. Even sub-letting a property you don't own means you have to be pretty confident."

Rice was caught after Halifax staff raised the alarm when he tried to transfer the money to Dubai using a false driving licence.

At Southwark Crown Court, Rice admitted possessing a false ID document with intent and acquiring criminal property, but denied charges of fraud and possessing an article for use in fraud.

He has been remanded in custody for sentencing on August 16.

Pedal Power

French engineers test pedal-boat submarine

A team of engineers plan to venture where no man has gone before after unveiling a pedal-boat submarine on the French Riviera.

Nicknamed "the Scubster," the 3.5 metre-long one-man yellow submarine has echoes of the fancy gadgets from fictional spy James Bond.

Powered by twin propellers connected to a pedal belt, the mini-sub can reach speeds of 8 km an hour (5 mph) if its pilot is in good shape, and can reach depths of 6 metres (20 ft).

"I've been up in the air by pedalling, underwater with my bike and now underwater with a submarine," Stephane Rousson, the man behind the invention, told Reuters.

The vessel managed an hour under water in the Mediterranean waters off the Cote d'Azur this week and is entirely controlled by hand or pedal. Hermetically sealed, the passenger breathes with a mask and a bottle of oxygen.

Whether it will have commercial success remains to be seen, but Rousson believes it may capture the attention of an emerging high-end market of yacht owners with "pocket submarines."

"And if it doesn't take off, I'll race it," said the 40-year old from Nice, who plans to take part in the 2011 International submarine race in the United States.

Vengeance!

Manhood defamed

An Indian woman has been fined for "defaming her husband's manhood".

A judge ordered Vandana Gurjar to pay her estranged husband Hemant Chhalotre $4250 after he sued her for alleging he was impotent when she filed for divorce.

Vandana married Hemant nine years ago, but left him after three months, later seeking a divorce on the grounds she could "not have conjugal bliss with Mr. Chhalotre as he was impotent".

Hermant then filed a case arguing that her accusations "rendered him unmarriageable and sullied his prestige".

The fine was far greater than the average annual income in India

Park It!!

Epic parking fail alert

A driver escaped with mere bruises after his car smashed through a garden wall and into a house.

 

The 79-year-old motorist ended up in the living room of a property that was temporarily vacant.

Firefighters had to cut him out of his Kia Rio car, which was lodged inside the house in Kirklevington, near Yarm, Cleveland.

The unnamed driver was taken to the James Cook University Hospital in Middlesbrough but suffered only bruising, said police.

All Dressed Up?

Police request

A policeman in Germany has won the right to gain extra holiday due to the time it takes to put on and take off their work uniforms.

Martin Schauder, convinced judges in Munster he should be paid for the extra time it takes to put on his full work kit and take it off at home, amounting to 45 to 50 hours a year.

Around 1,000 police officers in the state of Nord Rhine Westphalia have made similar complaints.
Legal expert Joachim Wulfmeyer said: "We could, in theory, have judges arguing for extra time off because of the amount of time it takes them to robe up, or receptionists claiming overtime for lipstick application as they have to look good for clients."

Fill Up First!!

Theft suspect arrested after running out of gas

Don't call him Lucky. Wenatchee police say they arrested a 47-year-old Tacoma man for investigation of first-degree theft after he ran out of gas as he was leaving a store where Native American collectibles were stolen.

Alerted to the thefts by the store owner, police found the man on foot Wednesday after his car stalled about 50 feet from its original parking spot.

Sgt. John Kruse says the man is suspected of stealing several Indian collectibles from the Discount Center. Kruse says he was also in possession of several necklaces stolen from the Antique Mall - and is suspected of stealing a beaded Native American ceremonial garment bearing a price tag of $10,500.

Police are calling him the Bad Luck Bandit.

Doodled!!

World's oldest doodle found on rock

Scientists have discovered what is believed to be one of the world's oldest doodles - an ancient scrawl carved onto a rock by a caveman 4,500 years ago.

 

Cambridge University experts believe the crudely etched circles are the Neolithic version of a modern office worker's scribbles on a post-it note.

The 6.6in (17cm) chunk of sandstone was discovered by an amateur archaeologist from the bottom of a deep quarry in Over, Cambs., during a university fun day.

Christopher Evans, director of the university's Archaeological Unit, thinks the concentric circles were created by one of our early ancestors ''killing time'' as opposed to a work of art.

Mr Evans said: ''I think it was a doodle. I don't think it has any deep and meaningful religious significance.

''In this era of the Neolithic period they had a lot of time on their hands. It could show they were quite bored at times, but we don't know for sure.

''We do know when they weren't out harvesting or planting crops they had to find a way of killing time.

''There are Megalithic tombs with concentric circles like this carved into stones - the circles are a form of Megalithic art and typical of the grooved ware pottery of the time.

Dead End!

Britain Is The Best Place To Die

ACCORDING to the 2010 Quality of Death Index, created by Economist Intelligence Unit, Great Britain is the best country to die in. Of 40 countries polled, it is GB that offers the best quality of care offered to dying patients.

Of course, polling dead people for their views is no easy thing – which is why GB also tops the list in league table of market research mediums.

On The Pill!!

France starts feeding pigeons contraceptives

A town in France plagued by pigeons is feeding the birds grain spiked with contraceptives to stop them breeding.

‘They are everywhere, annoying people as they are eating, drinking or strolling in the streets,’ said a town hall spokesman for the medieval tourist hotspot of Brignoles, in Provence.

The town has complained that the pigeons ae driving away tourists.

The contraceptive will not affect humans or other animals, a spokesperson said.

Knockers??

'We sell big knockers' ad banned

A door and window company has been order to stop using an advert which features a picture of a topless woman accompanied by the slogan: "We sell big knockers."

The ad by Tricketts of Merthyr Tydfil in South Wales showed the woman's breasts discreetly covered by a pair of door knockers. The ad said "We sell big knockers.....Window Hinges, Door Handles, Window Handles ..."

A woman complained to the Advertising Standards Agency that she found the poster offensive.

An Agency report said "A member of the public, who believed the poster was demeaning to women and unsuitable for general display where children might see it, challenged whether the poster was offensive.

"Tricketts said the poster had been on display for a little over two months and in that time they received positive feedback from customers, who believed the poster was humorous.

"They said they had received only one complaint and therefore did not believe the poster was demeaning to women or likely to cause offence to the general public.

"The ASA noted that the text 'WE SELL BIG KNOCKERS' was clearly a crude comparison between the woman's breasts and the door knockers Tricketts sold, and that the image had clearly been chosen for that reason.

"We also noted the image bore no relevance to the products sold by Tricketts, a door and window installation company.

"We considered that the image and text were likely to be seen to objectify and degrade women by linking their physical attributes to the advertiser's door and window products, and concluded that the image, in an untargeted medium where it could be seen by a general audience, and which bore no relevance to the advertised products, had the potential to cause serious offence to some consumers.

"The poster breached CAP Code clauses 5.1 and 5.2 (Taste and decency).

"The poster must not appear again in its current form."

………..So….One complaint out of thousands that saw the advert and the ASA ( who the fuck censures them??) ban a funny advert that added humour to peoples mundane life……Another example of the end of freedom in Britain which is fast becoming the most anal retentive country in the world!!!!!!